Posts Tagged: humor

Nokia 3G Booklet : Day 1, The Attack of the Redmond Drones

The Nokia 3G Booklet sitting on top of my Apple MacBook Pro 15"

Photo taken by Ms. Jen with a Nokia N97.

Project52 : Week 4
Mon. 01.25.10 – Late this morning the Nokia 3G Booklet arrived from the folks at WOMWorld/Nokia for a two week trial review period. I am quite excited about this, I do love to tinker about on a new computer, especially one as lovely and beautifully designed as the Nokia 3G Booklet.
It is cute! It is tiny! It is solid! It is light in weight! It is well-made! Did I mention it was beautifully designed and cute?!?
And then….
I turned it on and I was confronted with the… evil blue background with the light waving Windows logo. Gah.
Fifteen minutes into my new love affair with #37, I had to turn her off and put her back into her wrapping and two boxes and then put her box under my bed, because Windows 7 had so elevated my blood pressure that I was ready to call DHL to take #37 back to London and then write a scathing review of how F*cking Evil Windows is and How it is the Worst Possible Decision… blah blah blah… all because I spent 15 mins trying to figure out how to change the damned Windows background into something more eye pleasing. Big, deep breath.
So, I returned to the work project that is on deadline for tomorrow and then surreptitiously searched Google for ‘Nokia 3G Booklet Hackintosh‘, ‘Nokia 3G Booklet Ubuntu 9.10 USB live boot‘, etc. Yes, I spent most of the rest of the afternoon deep in dual work mode and researching my options for a USB live boot of a real OS, an OS that keeps one’s blood pressure at normal.
Which computer or mobile operating system one likes is not just a matter of brand preference, or what your friends like, or what you have already spent the time to learn, it is also about a mental metaphor and mind map. And that mental metaphor / mind map may still be uncomfortable even after learning how to use a system. Sometimes, one just has to give up an operating system that does not fit one’s mental processes and move on to one that does. After reluctantly using Windows for years, I happily and with abandon switched over to Ubuntu Linux and Mac OS X about 4 – 5 years ago and have never looked back.
I gladly pay the Apple Tax to get lovely, well designed hardware and OS. I am also happy to pay the Nokia Tax to get kick ass mobile cameraphones, even if I continue to be bewildered by Nokia’s hard-on for all things Windows and how their Symbian mobile OS is mapped to Windows and its metaphor. One of the reasons that I am so excited about the Nokia N900 is that its OS is Maemo which is a lovely mobile version of Linux.
All of this adds up to, right now I just can’t open up #37 the lovely Nokia 3G Booklet again, until I have time to create a USB stick with a live boot of Ubuntu or Moblin for the Booklet.

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The Pig

I come from a large family on my Mom’s side, she is the oldest of five and each of her siblings has had between 2 and 7 children of their own plus a few grandkids scattered here and there. We haven’t all gotten together since May of 2002, and partially in May of 2007, then last week Tuesday my Mom’s siblings all got together, sans issue. Thus, various aunts were in town over Thanksgiving weekend.
On Saturday, my Mom’s youngest sister, Dana, who lives in Oregon, and I went to lunch at Udupi Palace for a lovely lunch and then we took Scruffy McDoget to Dog Beach for a good long walk. When we got back to my house and my aunt’s car, she left pretty quickly, which I thought at the time had to do with the fact we had hung out for about 4 hours at this point and the fact that she is a strong introvert.
On Sunday, I ate the leftovers from our lunch over the course of the day, including my Aunt’s leftovers. Hey, its Udupi Palace, spinach dosa is always good, even the next day.
On Monday, I got a text from my Aunt Dana that she had been officially diagnosed with H1N1 and if I got sick I should immediately go to the doctor.
Yes, it happened that fast. From what I found out today from my Aunt Anne, Dana was fine at lunch and after our walk she started to feel really bad, by the time she drove back to Anne’s house about 30 miles south of my place she was really sick. By Sunday, super sick, sick enough to go to the doctor.
I texted her back to let her know that if she needed any help to let me know. The first day, I was bemused. The Pig, The Pig, it is coming.
By Tuesday, while I felt fine, I did some research and found that the infectious period for H1N1 was heatedly debated and could be anytime from when the person was first infected until the last cough and the incubation period if exposed to a person with H1N1 could be anywhere from one to seven days.
How about if you shared a dosa, uttapam, and sambar with someone with H1N1 in the infectious period?
I then decided that getting The Pig would be a forced Staycation with a real good excuse for missing work. I twitter this. Yes, yes, I know, Hanen Black Humor Alert. Funny, ha ha.
All week, I have felt normal. Well, as normal as I ever feel. Ok, so I lie… Really, I have had a bit of a sore throat and swollen glands, I did cough up a big cough up yesterday on to my steering wheel while driving. Surprise!
BUT IT ISNT THE PIG, I swear. Today I have felt a little off, but not much. Really, I promise. I just stayed in all day and had the heater on. I never run my heater. It is SoCal, no need for a heater on when it is 72F, right?
This evening, my aunt Anne called to give me the report on how Aunt Dana was faring, to ask how I was feeling, and to give me instructions on how to get into my Grandma’s storage tomorrow so I can get & put up her Christmas decorations.
Aunt Anne: “How are you feeling?”
Me: “Fine.”
Anne: “You don’t sound good, your voice is weak and you have been coughing as we have been talking.”
Me: “…..uh….((cough))”
Anne: “Are you feeling sick? If so, go to the doctor…”
Conversation about immediate doctor visit and Tamilflu ensues, all the while I remain in DENIAL. I am fine. I swear.
No Pig here. The only Pig I can see is the one in the freezer. Maybe I should turn down the heater before it melts the apartment.

The Oh So Frighteningly Suckage of the Quicksand of an Internet Blackhole

Oh The Glorious or Infamous Internet Black Holes, we have all fallen down one. If you are lucky they only last for 15 – 30 minutes, if you are unlucky or lucky depending on the situation, one can get sucked in for HOURS.
The problem with the internet (or InnerToobz) is that one can start in one place, legitimately, and click on a link or get curious about something mentioned on the original page and then, and then, And Then, AND THEN…. One is many, many, many clicks away from the place you started.
One can see an internet black hole as a voyage of discovery, or surfing the waves of curiosity, or just plain fallen down a hole that not even Alice could have fallen down.
Now, I try to limit my internet black holes to the evening after I have finished work. And I love a good Internet Black Hole*******.
Tonight’s Black Hole started by my daily reading of my friends who are participating in NaBloPoMo or NaVloPoMo:

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Portal Poopers

All day today, as I wrapped up working in the PHP Salt Mines, I had tons of ideas for good and scintillating blog posts, but soon as I sat down to blog all of the ideas fled to someone else’s brain.
Instead, I will tell you about the new dog religion or ritual practice I have observed lately. For over a month now, whenever I take Scruffy out for a walk, I have noticed that Scruffy always wants to do his dog-ly business in front of someone’s door or at the entrance of their walkway. If I drag him off to find another spot, like a lawn, before he makes his deposit he will hold it until we are in front of another doorway or walkway.
I have decided that Scruffy must be participating in some obscure dog cult of the Portal Poopers.
Fast forward to this last week when Belle was visiting, several mornings in a row as we went to leave for our walk a pile of dog poop would be blocking our way. Cold dog poop. Not Belle’s. Not Scruffys. Not fresh, but cold.
What other dog had entered the breezeway to participate in the Portal Pooping ritual?
Tonight, I found out who, as he was portal pooping in front of Earl & Sharon’s doorway before he came over to visit with Mr. McDoglet…
Yes, Magnus & Scruffy must both belong to the PP dog cult!

At the Mushroom Aisle

At the Mushroom Aisle
Photo by Ms. Jen with her Nokia N95.

Last week while standing in front of the mushrooms in the local Whole Foods produce section trying to determine if I should buy standard white button mushrooms or the brown crimini mushrooms for the pasta I was planning on making, a 60s something gentleman standing next to me said, “Where are the psilocybins?”

Google Wave

I went to the Google I/O conference back in late May and by early June I was on the Google Wave Dev Preview Sandbox thingy. By and large, unless one of my tech friends was gushing about wanting to see Google Wave, I haven’t logged in in the last four months unless I was giving a demo.
Sorry folks, I am not and have not been participating in the rather fascinating, from an anthropological point of view, hysteria that has surrounded Google Wave the last few months. And that hysteria reached a crescendo in the last 24 hours.
Google Wave is interesting for its potential, not the beta form it is in now. The potential is a great interconnected collaboration tool, the current reality is IM on speed. And since I am not a fan of IM chat, I don’t log in much.
The other key thing is that unless your friends or colleagues are on the system, most of the power of what Wave can do is stripped away. It was great to be on it with thousands of other developers, but most of the conversations were around tech details.

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A Few Tidbits from the Tuesday after Labor Day

Tidbit #1: I don’t have any photos from today because I only took one and it was of Scruffy. I think y’all get enough Scruffy photos.
Tidbit #2: Why no photos? Gasp! Shock! Horror! What ever have you been up to?
Work.
Yep. I am trying to work real hard real fast so that I can free up two weeks at the end of this month to go to London for the Moo Party, London Design Festival, Over the Air, and FOWA. I am registered for FOWA (Future of Web Apps) but I would really like to be able to be in London the week before.
Tidbit #3: Lauren has been Redeemed.
Tidbit #4: I am perversely considering buying a Nokia N86 in London rather than one here. Why in London?
a. I am sick of the US being the place of last mobile delivery and I don’t want to reward companies that wait 2-3 or 4-5 or never months to release good mobile devices in the US.
b. The 3G sucks on AT&T due to the large number of iPhones on the network, so if one is going to be stuck (at least in LA) on Edge-like speeds why not buy a device that is Euro 3G – at least it will be fast when I am on holiday.
c. If I buy an Euro Nokia N86 online in the US, I won’t have a warranty. My June of 2007 bricking experience of my online bought N80 taught me that no warranty is BAD. If I buy the N86 in London, then I will have a warranty in the UK. It is still a warranty.
d. I want to within the year get a job in Europe, so it would be better to get a Euro 3G phone.
I know…rationalizations. rationalizations. rationalizations for my anger at NokiaUSA for being S-L-O-W or getting their container ships lost in the Bermuda Triangle.
Tidbit #5: Hey, have I mentioned lately that I would love to get a job in mobile in London? Know of any positions for a bright creator|ideator|project manager sort? Let me know.
Hopping back on the hamster wheel.

Ms. Jen’s Defense of Marriage Act

Poor, defenseless marriage, it has been so abused in recent years. Such shocking immoral agendas have been advanced with folks getting married up to 4 and 5 times or more to different spouses, and the attendant equal amounts of divorce to marry the next spouse.
Shocking, yes, shocking.
Here in these United States of America, if you get a more than three DUIs (driving under the influence) your right to have a driver’s license is revoked. Folks, if you want to really defend marriage, we need to act now against profligate spending of the marriage vows by poor deluded serial monogamists.
Yes, Americans, we need to protect marriage and revoke the right to a marriage license if even one of the two proposed spouses has been married and divorced three times. Just like a serial drunk or drug addict should not be piloting a car, a serial divorcer should not pilot a marriage.
While we are at it, serial divorce comes from youth being led down the path of sin and perdition by thinking they can marry young and often. To that end, we need to support the youth of America into waiting and abstaining from serial divorce or post-martial sin by making it illegal to marry before the age of 30 without full parental and community consent and completely forbidden to marry before the age of 25, as really, how many pre-25 year olds know their minds?
Now under Ms. Jen’s Defense of Marriage if you are a homo sapiens sapiens (a hominid of the modern human variety) and you are over 30 and have been divorced less than 3 times and you want to get married? Get thee to a courthouse or a religious institution of your choice and make it legal, brothers & sisters (or any combo of genders thereof).
America, let’s please save marriage. Let’s make marriage for better or for worse, for richer or for poorer, to death do us part. Once and for all.
*****

p.s. As a disclaimer, while Ms. Jen has never been married or divorced, both of her parents have been married four times each and divorced 3 or 4 times depending on the parent in question, and she knows of which she writes. Besides, doesn’t it strike you as more than slightly stupid that heteros can get married and divorced multiple times, but to protect marriage gays can’t?