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Sometimes…

Sometimes a thought will pop up in my head that is fully formed and completely contrary to current thoughts on a subject and contrary to the evidence at hand, but in the long run the thought will turn out to be completely true and will come to pass. Most of the times that this has happened to me, I am not the primary actor who could or could not make the contrary thought come to pass, usually it is forces that are larger than myself, outside of myself that are the primary actors and my actions are how I react to it or the situation.
I have never been comfortable about calling this knowing a premonition or ESP. I suppose if I was a futurist or an analyst, I would have a lucrative career with these knowings. But mine are much more whimsical, as they are usually about art, music, or people.
I am sure that there are a legion of psychology studies that have explained away or rationalized this type of behavior; but whatever the reason, it still happens.


Early last summer*, I had a very clear knowing about a certain subject. It was such a clear knowing that I had a very hard time writing two blog posts that needed to be written at the time, as the knowing was contrary to my themes of the blog posts. I wrote one but changed the focus and left the other as a draft, never to be published.
Ever since the Elopocalypse on #feb11, I have felt gutted, like Steve + Stephen did a D&C on my whole insides just leaving a hard shell of skin left. I have had a recurring dream where I find a black phoebe who has had all the feathers plucked off of one wing & side of its body. This morning I have sat quietly in my house, even though it is a gorgeous day outside, trying to suss out why I feel what I have been feeling and why I keep having a dream that my muse and totem is dying.
About an hour ago, I realized that I am gutted because my knowing from last June has come true. Nokia has created the best camera phones to date and I am immensely grateful for the ability to have used such beautiful art making tools for the last six years.
Rather than rail against forces of the ftrfec**, it is time to say goodbye for now, as I have to go figure out how to nurse my little black phoebe back to health, full feathers, and winged flight.
-*-*-*-
* Two months before a certain Mr. E was hired.
** My nickname for Mr. B, cooked up after I had the distinction of have an interaction with him in Oct. of 2005, of which the very next day I swtiched my Dell to Ubuntu (Breezy Badger at the time). If you are curious about what FtRFEC stands for, have a few drinks and then find me at SXSWi.