Ms. Jen’s Defense of Marriage Act

Poor, defenseless marriage, it has been so abused in recent years. Such shocking immoral agendas have been advanced with folks getting married up to 4 and 5 times or more to different spouses, and the attendant equal amounts of divorce to marry the next spouse.
Shocking, yes, shocking.
Here in these United States of America, if you get a more than three DUIs (driving under the influence) your right to have a driver’s license is revoked. Folks, if you want to really defend marriage, we need to act now against profligate spending of the marriage vows by poor deluded serial monogamists.
Yes, Americans, we need to protect marriage and revoke the right to a marriage license if even one of the two proposed spouses has been married and divorced three times. Just like a serial drunk or drug addict should not be piloting a car, a serial divorcer should not pilot a marriage.
While we are at it, serial divorce comes from youth being led down the path of sin and perdition by thinking they can marry young and often. To that end, we need to support the youth of America into waiting and abstaining from serial divorce or post-martial sin by making it illegal to marry before the age of 30 without full parental and community consent and completely forbidden to marry before the age of 25, as really, how many pre-25 year olds know their minds?
Now under Ms. Jen’s Defense of Marriage if you are a homo sapiens sapiens (a hominid of the modern human variety) and you are over 30 and have been divorced less than 3 times and you want to get married? Get thee to a courthouse or a religious institution of your choice and make it legal, brothers & sisters (or any combo of genders thereof).
America, let’s please save marriage. Let’s make marriage for better or for worse, for richer or for poorer, to death do us part. Once and for all.

p.s. As a disclaimer, while Ms. Jen has never been married or divorced, both of her parents have been married four times each and divorced 3 or 4 times depending on the parent in question, and she knows of which she writes. Besides, doesn’t it strike you as more than slightly stupid that heteros can get married and divorced multiple times, but to protect marriage gays can’t?

4 thoughts on “Ms. Jen’s Defense of Marriage Act

  1. Amen, sista! I also don’t get people who hook up with other people during their marriage, before the divorce is final, or days after it’s final, as if taking those vows didn’t mean a damn thing to them in the first place.
    *Disclaimer: I have never been married, nor ever wanted to be, but I truly believe in 3 strikes and you’re out. Maybe two strikes, in some cases.

  2. Hi Mike, Are you saying that folks should wait until after 30 before having kids?
    My Dad’s 3rd wife made me a bet when I was in high school that if I waited until I was 30 to have kids she would take me to Brazil as a prize. They got divorced while I was still in high school but she and I kept in touch. I let her know that I made it to 30, and then she changed it to 40! Then again, she waited until 41 to have her first child. ;o)

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