Dear Greenpeace or Chuggers Go Away!

Dear Greenpeace,
Please note that I think you are a worthwhile organization, but due to the Chuggers you employee or who volunteer I can’t or won’t ever donate money to you.
Greenpeace, there are a variety of ways for you to convince me of the rightness of your cause, but having college aged, highly earnest young people assault me outside of the supermarket (“Think about the Polar Bears!”) or walking down Grafton Street or in London or … or… or…
Greenpeace, a public place should not become a place of fear and loathing in the name of a liberal charity. A public place should only be come a place of fear and loathing if a government has murdered or abused its people in that place. So, why would a charity organization want to instill the same feelings in potential donors as the people that same organization is trying to stop from instilling such feelings in the public? Really.
Greenpeace, I realize that there is a big difference between Guantanamo and the exterior of the local market, but your Chuggers make me nearly as angry as the US Government. I don’t want to be mugged in the name of charity. Why in the HELL in the world of idenity theft would I ever give my bank or private info to some earnest young person outside of a supermarket?
Greenpeace, why do you put me in the place of having to turn down said young person outside the supermarket and thus create feelings of liberal guilt for turning down said young person which causes me to hate you for setting up said young person to go out soliciting in front of my local supermarket.
Greenpeace, due to being chugged (charity mugged) each time I buy my groceries, I greatly dislike you. I don’t have sympathy for your earnest young employees/volunteers. Because of your publically invasive chugging tactics, I don’t even have sympathy for the polar bears.
In fact, Greenpeace, I was down right mean last week to one of your Chuggers. The poor young lady was about 21, earnest, and REALLY believed in the plight of the polar bears. After I pointed out the futility of her signing up suckers outside of the local supermarket (“But think of the polar bears.”), I told her that Greenpeace had been ticking me off for 3 years in a variety of locations – Long Beach, London, Dublin, and Huntington Beach (“But the polar ice caps are melting, and think of the polar bears”). Then I defined a chugger to her and then asked her how her conscience could allow her to mug people in the name of polar bears.
Yes, Greenpeace, in your name, I crushed the innocence of some poor defenseless college human who wanted a summer job they could believe in. Please Greenpeace, stop the madness, stop forcing young, idealist folk from whoring themselves out in front of supermarkets. Please just send a direct mailing to all of the local Democrats via the US Postal Service instead. Rather than paying the local chugger to alienate your potential donor base, why not do a little demographic research and refine your fundraising to efforts that don’t piss people off?
Greenpeace, if you had sent me a piece of paper spam via the USPS with a nice polar bear photo on it with an option to give $5-10 a month, I may have signed up. But instead you assaulted me with a chugger, so no $5-10 a month from me to you.
We can, if we work together help idealist, earnest young folk not whore themselves out in the name of charity. If we work together, we can stop the plague of chugging. Don’t give to Chuggers.
Not even for the polar bears.
div class=”note” [Forgive any cranky tone here, but this post has been building for nearly 3 years now.]