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Currently Cranky About: PHP

Ok, so where much of my and other communities are Currently Cranky AboutTM Flickr, I am Currently Cranky AboutTM PHP.
Yes, PHP. In the past, I have scoffed PHP for being too easy compared to Javascript. PHP has lots of built in functions, PHP scripts are fairly lean and mean next to the intricate mazes of Javascript. But, no, I was/am wrong.
PHP is evil.
Javascript, God or gods bless its all over the place little client-side scripting soul, has very few official upgrades/updates/versions. I have been working with Javascript for over 7 years, and I *think* we are still on 1.5 or thereabouts and best of all, I haven’t had to worry in 7 years which version I am working with. Ok, so we have AJAX now to complicate the works, but if you are a proud purveyor of the KISS design and development school, as I am, then AJAX is only used as absolutely necessary (unobtrusive AJAX at that).
PHP seems to have frequent version updates. Thanks, Zend, et al. PHP is now on version 5 and PHP folks are looking forward to 6. But my server and most of my clients’ servers are still on PHP 4.3.1. And just like the jump from Flash Actionscript 1.0 to 2.0, there is a big difference between PHP 4 and PHP 5, what fucnctions and coded that will work in PHP 5 are not necessarily backwards compatible.
All my current reference books are for PHP 5. Very delicious ideas and scripts but not so delicious trying to implement them on servers with no immediate intentions on upgrading to PHP 5. My server allows one to append PHP 5 in the .htaccess file and call it in the file extension, but this is not a reliable fix. Add security on top of it… Grrr… Grrr… Grr…
It is enough to turn one back to Javascript and Perl on a regular basis…
Must improve my Perl fu.